Forbidden Sounds
Below is a list of sound effects that are hereby forbidden to be used in any song, album, podcast, or cassingle.
NO MORE
Thunder Rolling. Lazy shorthand for ominous atmospherics. Any song that used this after Garth Brooks’ lifetime movie "And the Thunder Rolled" is whipping a pile of fossilized horse bones. The only excuse for using thunder is if it accompanies songs sung in Orc.
Cell Doors Slamming. Rap’s answer to thunder, and they use a lot of thunder ya’ll.
Answering Machine Messages. Don’t know how to transition gracefully between the 2nd and 3rd tracks on your breakup album? Blow the dust off this od chestnut. If you save all your ex-girlfriend’s messages you can be sure to have lots of emotionally-loaded fodder crackling with analog sincerity. Come to think of it, just record your whole album on an answering machine. And distribute it on those teeny tapes. You’re adorable.
Backwards anything. .ti teg eW
Female Orgasms/Sound of Pleasure. From "Rocket Queen" to "Wait (The Whisper Song)" and beyond. If sound FX were sex this would be awkward, arrhythmic missionary on a bed of sandpaper. Cliche, desperate , and crass. Wait till you see my total lack of interest.
Next time: Hot Sound FX
